I never dated in high school, quite frankly, I thought it was a waste of time. I started to go on dates towards my sophomore year of college, but even then, it was not anything special. Not until my senior of college did, I really take this “dating thing” seriously. Not to say that I never took it seriously, but I was not proactive about it. And by proactive, I think I went on a total of 3 dates, LOL. (2 B.S. degrees, like how could I date? *face plants*)
You see, I have been single for a while now. Like, a good while. More specifically, 23 years, or better known as, my entire life. I always dreamt that I would meet somebody in college, because I would be around like-minded individuals with the same passion to grow and fulfill their intellectual capabilities.
Well, that was a fail. I graduated from college December of 2018 and homegirl was single and had nobody to mingle with. So, what did I do?
I joined a dating app…well, I joined 3. Guilty, as charged. I am a go-getter, so I figured, why not enhance my chances of meeting someone? I know you are probably thinking, “dang girl, desperate much?” but, it honestly was not like that. I figured, the more apps I was on, the faster I would hopefully meet someone, and the faster I could get off. (See my crazy rationale of thinking, LOL.)
Well, here I am, 3 apps in, swiping left, swiping right, getting some “BOOM, you’ve got a match” and some “Hey girl, I like those lips”, the latter being the more common statement. I went on a few dates, had some good laughs, definitely made some pen-pals, and have a bunch of pick-up line screenshots for when I need a good laugh.
You see, there is a stigma when it comes to online dating. Whether you are Christian or not, the first thing people that have NEVER been on a date will say is…
“There are so many people in the world, why would you need to resort to online dating?”
Let’s get this straight. Yes, there are a ton of people in the world, but I can give you a list of them that suck, have no common sense, lack a moral compass, and cannot tell you the difference between their, there, and they are. You can get that with online dating too, but with apps, you have the freedom to hide behind a screen and take your time to reply to a message. You can grab a screenshot and send it to your girls, you can un-match someone if they make you uncomfortable, ultimately saying, you have options!
And that is why I chose online dating. I wanted more options. Honestly, I needed more options. I was tired of the same old routine of hoping a guy would talk to me in the bar, at church, or in the grocery store.
So, I found a tunnel of dating apps and lit it up myself.
Fast forward, it is May of 2019 and I am still single.
So, what does that tell you about my experience?
Well…. it was not the greatest, but it was not horrible.
My point of this entire blog post is to tell you that you can take risks and step out of your comfort zone, as long as you have your head on straight. After being on a few apps, I knew exactly who to say yes to and who to say heck no to. I had discernment. I had my list of non-negotiables and my compromises. I was able to go into every app knowing myself, my standards, and what I wanted out of a relationship, and that is what you must do! I do not call it being picky, I call it knowing who you are and what you want. No, I did not meet someone. No, I am not getting married [yet]. No, I do not regret one minute of it. It was fun, tiring, and gosh, it was hilarious. Some of the guys I spoke to, I still speak with now!
You can be a Christian that reads your devotionals, goes to church, sings Hillsong, has a strong relationship with God, and uses a dating app. I know other people will judge me for it, but I trust the Lord. If God is capable of moving mountains for me, why can’t he let me meet my future spouse on an app? I took a chance, I made a profile, and I learned a lot. It was not a bad experience and it was not a waste of my time. Some guys I spoke to were Godly, while others were praying to get something else, if you know what I mean.
It does not make you less than and it surely does not make you easy, naïve, or pathetic to use an app. You can exhaust all your options and if by some chance the Lord allows you to meet your future spouse on an app, then congrats to you! If it does not work, then you know that it either is not your season or God is protecting you from something.
I know single girls are consistently told to “wait on the Lord” and yes, you should wait, but that does not mean, staying sheltered in your home and praying that somebody knocks on your door. You have to take your fishing pole, put some bait on it, cast it wide and hope that something latches on, and even if nothing does, He is still good. Whether it is your season to date or a time to grow closer to him, choose to grow as an individual.
You are allowed to evolve as a person and sometimes that means evolving into a more open-minded individual. Go to church. Try a dating app. Join a club. Check out a new pub. Be who you want to be and have discernment, but most importantly, trust His timing. I have no regrets about my experiences, and I would do it again, if I felt like it, but right now, I’m not interested in swiping. I trust God enough to know that when it is time for me to be in a solid relationship, he’ll bring my man to the front of the line.
I believe in His timing and I am learning to trust this life.
Until then, I am done swiping. The only thing I am looking for is myself in all the right places.